i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
