how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
