my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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