a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
