There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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