The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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