Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
