i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
