Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize