My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
