we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
