Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
