sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
