I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
