just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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