the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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