I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
