yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
