your room smells of hookers.
And success
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
