its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
