I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
