I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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