You made me cry and you don't even care
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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