omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
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