did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
