"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
