girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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