I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
