dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
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He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
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I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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