I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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