The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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