think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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