my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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