You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
the liver wants what the liver wants
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
