she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
