Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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