Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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