Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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