Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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