shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
