I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
