I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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