Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize