you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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