What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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