seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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