i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
