Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
