my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
