these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He kissed a someone with a penis
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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