My sheets look like a crime scene.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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