he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
