Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
