i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
