you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
