We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
