I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
