I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
