Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
