What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
