filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
