She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
