I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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