we have pet lesbian snakes
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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