there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
