i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
