I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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