I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
