I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
