please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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