I can text with my tongue
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
