So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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