you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
