We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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