New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
