I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
