I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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