Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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