There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
