Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
