Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
