don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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