He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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