Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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