i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
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We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
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Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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