She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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