sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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